The Four Agreements book summary: How to apply the Four Agreements in real life

In this episode, I explain The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz in less than 30 minutes. If you don’t want to read this book then everything you need to know is summarised in this episode!  Short, simple, and deeply impactful, this episode dives into the beliefs we’ve carried since childhood and challenges you to rethink everything you thought we knew about yourself.

I explore how our “agreements” (aka beliefs) are shaped early in life, often without our awareness, and how they influence our idea of success, happiness, and even perfection. One of the biggest mindset shifts? Realising that our greatest fear isn’t death it’s living authentically.

I then break down the four agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don’t make assumptions
3. Don’t take anything personally
4. Always do your best

These may sound simple, but applying them can completely transform how you think, communicate, and show up in your life. I give you my perspective and opinion on what these agreements mean to me and how I am applying them in my life. 

The Four Agreements book summary is The Four Agreements explained simply, including how to apply the four agreements in real life. This episode also explores how to stop taking things personally, how to stop assuming things in relationships, and shares simple self improvement habits and easy mindset shifts for happiness.

Think of this episode as the “lazy girl’s guide” to a better mindset, no need to read the book, I have all the juicy takeaways right here.

Thank you for being here with me, love you bye!!! Grace x

Follow me for more on Instagram @mindyourownbeeswaxpodcast & TikTok: @mindyourownbeeswaxpod

Transcript

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Find your own beeswax.

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Today's

Intro

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episode, I'm hoping, can become a bit of a series. So I would love once a month to do a bit of a book club episode, I think I might call it. Today we're gonna talk about the book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I wanted to start this series with this book because I feel like it's very underrated and it's not talked about enough. There's a lot of self-help books out there, and I'm guilty, I probably own about half of them. My bookshelf is a chocker full of self-help and personal development books, but I only recently came across this book and I think I just stumbled upon it on Amazon and I was like, yeah, why not? I'll buy it. And then it turned up, and it's only 140 pages long. She's short and sharp, which I loved. And the message is very simple, very easy to digest. It was just such an easy read with such a strong message. And I think that the ideas and the concepts in this book are quite unlike anything else I've read before. So let's dive in. The four agreements, shocker, the book is about four agreements.

What is an agreement?

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Now, what is an agreement? I feel like I can use this word interchangeably, but an agreement is basically a belief that you have about yourself. So if you believe that thing, you agree with that statement or that thought. So I'll use those words interchangeably, but basically belief and agreement are the same thing. Now the start of this book really elaborates on the agreements that we have within ourselves.

Where do our agreements come from?

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The author talks about all the beliefs or agreements that we have within ourselves were created in our childhood. Now I think this isn't super surprising. We know that children are highly impressionable and they're like little sponges. They suck up everything around them. But the book really says that the things that adults in our lives teach us and show us when we are children, we don't know any better. So we believe everything they say and they do. And that's really the core place that our beliefs or our agreements come from. And I think this is really interesting because you obviously, you know, you don't pick who you are, you don't pick your family. You just your soul is incarnated into that body and that's the world around you and that's who you become. You know, I always think I grew up in Australia with the people that are in my life, but maybe my soul had been born in another country, you know, maybe I was born in somewhere in Asia, you know, they live a very different lifestyle and different culture. I would probably believe and think a whole heap of different things, and I would have totally different beliefs or totally different agreements with myself. So I think it's really interesting that it's a reflection of your childhood, the adults in your life, and things they did and they said. That's kind of the idea that we have of perfection, you know? So what you want to do and be in life and your idea of perfection comes from those foundations in your childhood. So, you know, maybe your idea of perfection is that you need to have a full-time job, you need to have a house, you need to retire when you're 60. Whatever those kind of ideal perspectives that you have and you think is the standard that you need to achieve, it's likely come from your childhood and those beliefs and agreements that were created then. Now, the thing that really blew my mind is that the book says the

The no #1 fear of humans

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number one fear of humans is not actually death. The number one fear of humans is living authentically. That really blew my mind, you know, that our ultimate fear is not dying, our ultimate fear is living authentically. And it sort of it basically says, you know, we have this image of perfection that's created by society and the world around us, but that's not true to ourselves. That's just what we think we should be. And I was really thinking about this and I was like trying to go within myself and think, well, what does living authentically for me mean? And it's a hard question. Like, you really have this idea of perfection and this gold star that you feel like you need to be, but like what does your soul really want? You know, that's a bit of a deep question, but it's hard. Like, what is it that I really want? How do I live authentically? You know, I thought I wanted a house and the job and the holidays, you know, is that what I really want? Is that what my soul wants? It's a very deep question. But this is why I liked this book because it's a concept that I haven't seen and I haven't heard before. And it really encourages you to break down those things you believe about yourself, reset your image of perfection, and send you on the right direction of living authentically. Now, this is where the four agreements come in. So if you live by the four agreements, this will help you to rewire your mind, live authentically, find ultimate freedom, find more joy, find more happiness, and just live your best damn life, you know? That's what we want to do. So let's dive

What are the Four Agreements?

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in. What are the agreements? I'll tell you the four and then we will break them down. So number one, be impeccable with your word. Number two, don't make assumptions. Number three, don't take anything personally, and number four, always do your best. Are they what you thought they were gonna be if you didn't know what the four agreements were? I feel like when I read them, I was like, well, it's kind of basic. But they're actually really amazing, and you can pretty much roll them out and apply them to every single area of your life. So if we dive right in, number one, be impeccable

1. Be Impeccable with your word

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with your word. Speak with integrity, say only what you mean, avoid using words that speak against yourself or gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. So being impeccable with your word, what does that mean to you? I think when I think about it, I've heard this concept that I love, and it's um it's that your words are spells. And so whatever you speak, it's like a spell and you're casting a spell, and that will come true. So if you're speaking really negative, really toxic things, that's what you're putting out into the world. And you know, if you believe in manifesting, that's what's gonna manifest. If you say you hate yourself, if you say you're ugly, if you say you're a loser, that's what you're gonna project, you know. People that talk themselves up and say, yes, I'm the best, I'm great, I'm confident. It's true, right? They come across that way. And that's sort of my understanding is I really think that when you're impeccable with your word, it means speaking really kind things. However, it's not that easy because I feel like when you're having a conversation, whether it's with a friend, a family member in the workplace, you're making small talk, it's really easy to complain. You know, like especially when you're making small talk with someone, it's really easy to be like, oh god, I'm so busy today, or fuck that weather's shit. Like, it's really easy to complain. It's really hard to think sometimes of positive things to say, you know? And I'm guilty of it. I'm absolutely guilty of it, especially like I said, making small talk, or you know, if you're in a meeting, you're like, oh god, this day is dragging. You know, it's really, it's really easy to complain. So I challenge you to become aware of what you're saying and say positive things. And even take it a step further, is that when other people are complaining or when other people are saying negative things, watch your response. And sometimes you have to be like, okay, I hear you, I hear you, but can you change the conversation or can you redirect it, or can you sort of shed a bit more of a positive light on it? And it is hard. I do this with a few people in my life, and you can see them go, Oh, I just wanted to have a whinge grace, fucking let me whinge. And maybe you just have to sit there and nod your head. But it's so hard. Being impeccable with your word is so hard, and quite often I go to say things and I'm like, hang on, back it up, sis. Is this adding value to your life? And equally, like being cautious of the conversations you're gauging in. You know, the book talks a lot about gossip, and fuck. I always say to people, I'm like, You got any goss? Any gos? No. Grace, no. We don't want to gossip. We don't want to engage in conversation that is negative. Stop. Be impeccable with your word. And like I said, visualize the words that you say, the things that are coming out of your mouth as spells, and you're casting that spell. So whatever you're saying, imagine it coming true. Would you still say it? Okay, the second agreement:

2. Don’t make assumptions

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don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. Now I feel like making assumptions is an interesting one because I don't think you ever in your daily life think that you assume anything, but you actually do. So finding the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. I think this is the assumption that you think everyone in your life, people in your family, your relationship, coworkers, you assume that they know what you want and you assume that they're thinking about you all the time. No one is thinking about you. Most people are just thinking about themselves and they are not thinking about others around them. And the things that they do and the things that they say, they are not doing with you in mind. Now, that is a really tricky thing to hear. I think a lot of people are guilty of overthinking and be like, oh, did you hear what so-and-so said? Or people get frustrated at things people do, you know. Maybe your partner leaves dirty dishes in the sink and that bothers you. You're assuming that they're doing that in spite of you, but they are not. You are assuming that people are saying things to upset you, to frustrate you. They are not. We are selfish beings. Everyone is just their own main character. We're all thinking about ourselves. 99% of the time, people are not doing things or saying things with you in mind. And I think that's really interesting. And I think the second part to this is don't make assumptions. So don't overassume people know what you want. So ask for it. Speak your mind. Tell people what you want. And I think this again is a really tricky shift, and it's something that I've been really trying to practice. And I think specifically in my relationship, this is something that I just say, like, I want this. What do you want to do for dinner? I want this. Where do you want to go this weekend? I want to do this, I want to go here, I want to get a coffee at this place, I want to do the dishes, I need to do the laundry. I just like say everything. Because why not? Don't assume that someone knows what you want. Don't assume that someone knows what you're thinking. And likewise, I'll just say to my partner, I'm really angry today. I feel this, I feel that. Like, just speak it all out there. Don't assume that people know. And when people know how you're feeling, they can respond, they can support you. I think it's amazing. Like, honestly, overshare your whole life. Never assume that anyone knows anything about you, how you're feeling, what you want to do. Tell everyone. And then when you start telling people what you want, watch everything get better. Watch people support you more. Watch people give you what you want. Watch yourself get what you want. I love it. Be selfish, look after yourself, don't assume anybody knows anything, and just get what you want. The third agreement:

3. Don’t take anything personally

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don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. I feel like again, this sort of touches on the don't make assumptions, is that don't take anything personally. Like I said, no one is doing or saying anything to spite you. If someone cuts you off in traffic and you get angry and you shout out, use your indicator, dickhead, or you know, whatever it is you're saying, they are not doing that because they want to piss you off. You know, that car in front of you did not cut you off and not use their indicator because they thought, wow, that person in that Toyota camera, I want to ruin their day. That's not what they're doing. They are just living in their own bubble. For all you know, maybe they're busting for the toilet and they're trying to get home and get to the tut quick. We don't know. Don't take it personally. I really love this one. I think again, we're all guilty of being our own main character and thinking that other people are thinking and worrying about us all the time. They're not. We're all selfish beings. We're just thinking about ourselves the whole time. So when someone does something or they say something, don't let it affect you because they are not doing that thing to create an emotion, you know? If somebody says or does something that bothers you, really pause and think, did they say this with the intention to get a reaction from me? And yeah, maybe, maybe 1% of the time that is the situation, but 99% of the time, people are not doing things to spite you or to upset you. You can apply this, like I said, in traffic. If someone cuts you off, you don't need to react. It's not personal. They're just doing their thing, you just gotta do yours. I love it. And when you live this way, like the book says, you're immune to the opinions, you're immune to the actions of others. And if you like the book, The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, I feel like this really leans into don't take things personally when Mel says, let them. You know, if people want to say offensive things, let them. People want to cut you off in traffic, let them. If people want to call you a dickhead, let them. Don't take anything personally. Am I making sense? I feel like I'm saying don't take it personally a lot. But I think this is a great agreement. Alrighty, the fourth

4. Always do your best

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and final agreement, always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you're tired as opposed to when you're well rested. Under any circumstance, simply do your best. I think this is such a nice concept, you know. Whatever you're doing, give it your 100%. But being conscious that 100% looks different day to day. Maybe it's a Monday, you're tired from the weekend. Maybe your best is only 50%. You know, maybe comes Sunday, you're rested, you're energized, your best is back up to 100%. Giving your best is giving whatever you've got to offer there and then. It does not have to be full power every single day. Now, for me, I feel like I do this Pilates class and I probably go four or five days a week, and I love it. And in the warm-up, they actually say, do your best, set yourself a goal for the class. And that always makes me think, okay, I check in with myself and I'm like, yep, I feel really energized today. Or maybe I think I'm feeling low energy. I just want to move through the class. So I sort of set that intention. I'm like, I'm gonna go a hundred percent today, or I'm just gonna move through the exercise. And then at the end of the class, I really always feel like I have given my best because I've acknowledged, am I at 100%? Am I at 50%? Am I at 10%? Whatever I'm feeling, I acknowledge what my best effort is and I execute that. And it really lets me walk away from that class feeling like I've given 100% at whatever percentage it is that I'm feeling at. I think another great area of doing your best is relationships, you know, whether romantic, friendships, parents, children, co-workers, any kind of relationship, I don't think we ever think enough about giving your best. You know, how are you supporting that person? How are you showing up for that person? How are you connecting with that person? And again, you don't have to be at 100% all the time. Whatever percentage you are for that day, are you giving your best? And again, are you doing this with your health, with your fitness, with your work? Are you giving the best with what you've got? And when you just acknowledge this, I think it just gives you the power to bring it to the front of mind. You know, if it's your relationship and you go, Well, am I giving my relationship my best today? No. And maybe it's just when your partner gets home, you say, Hello, how is your day? When you're eating dinner, you put your phone down and you make conversation. Maybe that's the best you have to give that day. You know, it doesn't have to be anything crazy. Same with, you know, if you've got kids. Are you giving them your best that day? You know, maybe it's a Monday and you're tired, work's been long, you sat in traffic. Maybe your best that day is just giving them a hug, and you know, at dinner just being present and having a conversation. And that's it. You don't have to give a thousand percent of yourself every single day, but it's just giving your best with what you've got. And again, when you check in with this and acknowledge this, it just feels so good. You know, maybe at work, you're sitting down first thing in the morning, you check in with yourself and you go, how am I feeling today? I love putting a percentage to it. So let's say you sign in to work for the day and you're like, uh, I'm feeling 60%, feeling good, bit tired, my inbox is looking full, I've got a lot of things on my mind. What does your best look like? You know, maybe your best that day looks like just ticking off your to-do list. That's all good. Maybe the next day you're 100%, you're energized, you've had about four cups of coffee, you could run a marathon. Maybe your best that day looks like amping the team up, you know, chatting to people, networking, setting up meetings, setting goals. Go off sis. Whatever it is, give your 100% at wherever you are at and just do your best. So that is the four agreements. Be impeccable with your word, don't make assumptions, don't take anything personally, and always do your best. I

How am I applying the Four Agreements?

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think after hearing that, for me, being impeccable with my word, I'm really gonna work on, especially when I'm interacting with other people. I think I really want to help help turn conversations around, and you know, I feel like when people are whinging and complaining, really trying to change the narrative, help them be more positive, say positive things. I think I really want to focus on that. Don't make assumptions. I think I want to continue just speaking up for myself, telling people what I want, telling people how I feel. I'm not afraid to do that anymore, and I hope you feel the same. Don't take anything personally. I think for me, I really feel that I'm a bit of an emotional sponge, right? And I'm really guilty of if you are in a bad mood, I hate that. Like, how dare you be in a bad mood around me? And that's me taking it personally. And I'm putting my hand up here and I'm saying, guilty, guilty, I'm taking it personally. I'm gonna stop that. If someone wants to be in a bad mood, that is on them. I am immune to their opinions and actions, as the book says, I'm not gonna take it personally, and I'm gonna work on that. Always do my best. I think I just want to do this more, particularly in my relationships. I think just having that intention every day and to go, have I done my best? Have I done my best with this person? Have I spent time with this person and been present? Have I given them my full attention? Am I giving them my best in every area? And that is it. That is the four agreements. I really love this book. You can get it on Amazon, you can get it on Kindle, and I actually have, I got from Amazon, they have a little like pack of sort of like affirmation cards, and I actually have them on my desk. And so they have a card with a bunch of different quotes for every four agreements. So on my desk right now, I actually have it says, Don't take anything personally, love and respect yourself. And it's got a beautiful little picture. I love it. I just look at them every day, I pull it out, have it on my desk, and it just sort of makes me really check in with those four agreements and I think about them all the time. There's actually lots of beautiful wallpapers on Pinterest. You could get a four agreements wallpaper so that every time you look at your phone, we know we look at our phones a zillion times a day. Bring it front of mind and really think about it. Or even I love, you know, if you write a to-do list when you start the day at work, write one of the agreements, pick one. Write, today I'm just gonna do my best. Today I'm not gonna take anything personally. Today I'm not gonna make any assumptions. Write it down, bring it to front of mind, but definitely read the book. If you want to find out more, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz. It's an absolute banger. Definitely one of my all-time favourite personal development, self-help, spirituality, whatever you want to call it. It's one of those books. I love it. Like I said, a short and sharp read. I reckon if you really sat down and focused, you could probably read it in two hours. Did you enjoy today's episode? Did you love diving into a book? I'd love to know. I have a massive shelf of books that I'm looking at right now. I've read maybe half of them, I've still got a lot to read, but I'd love to do more episodes on books. I if you don't like to read or you're not a fast reader, I really love listening to a podcast that just breaks down the book, you know, in like 15 to 20 minutes. And that's what I tried to do today is just to really give you those juicy nuggets, short and sharp. You don't need to read the book now. I've told you all about it. Maybe I should have said that at the start. Spoiler alert if you don't want to know what the book is. About, don't listen. But that's it in a nutshell, and that's what I wanted this episode to be. Let me know. Are there other books you want to hear from? Are there other books you want to spill the tea on? I would love to do Mel Robins Let Them Theory. I would also love to do The Secret. That's an OG absolute banger of a book. But if you have any book requests, please let me know. I love doing a podcast that's short and sharp. Again, you know, the lazy girl version. Listen to this. You don't need to read the book. You've got all the juicy details. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so grateful for your support. Thank you for letting me into your ears. For everyone who's followed me on socials or left a review. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you with all of my heart. I look at every review, I look at every download. I'm trying to get to 1,000 downloads. That's my goal. At this point, I'm not even at a hundred, but your girl's dreaming big here. So help me get to a thousand downloads. Share it with your friends, share it with your mom, share it with your neighbor. All the support, all of the love. I'm so grateful for. I check every single like, every single comment, every single download. I'm looking at it. I'm stalking you guys, you know? I appreciate it. So thank you for being here with me. I hope you have the best week, and I hope this episode finds you at a time that you need it the most. And that's it, guys. Have a great week. Love you. Bye.

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Mind your own beeswax. Hey, counting up. Lean back. Yeah.