The Let Them Theory Explained and Why “Let Me” is Even Better!

If you’ve been seeing everyone talk about The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins but still feel like there’s a deeper layer no one’s discussing… this episode is for you. In this week’s episode of Mind Your Own Beeswax, I unpack the viral “let them” mindset and the powerful “let me” theory that completely changed the way I view triggers, emotions, relationships, and self awareness.

From road rage and rude emails to feeling left out, relationship disagreements, and childhood triggers showing up in adulthood, this episode dives into the difference between letting things go… and actually healing the emotions underneath them. I shares my stories, relatable examples, and honest take on why some situations deserve a simple “let them,” while others require a deeper “let me understand why this affects me so much.”

The episode also explores insights from The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer, touching on consciousness, overthinking, emotional triggers, and learning how to observe your thoughts without letting them consume you.

If you’re someone who overthinks conversations at 2 a.m., takes things to heart, struggles with emotional triggers, or wants to build a healthier mindset and stronger emotional awareness, this episode will leave you feeling seen, understood, and a little more grounded.

Topics in this episode include:

•  The Let Them Theory explained 
•  The Let Me Theory and emotional healing 
•  Overthinking and emotional triggers 
•  Mindset shifts for everyday stress 
•  Self awareness and personal growth 
•  Learning to observe your thoughts 
•  Relationships, boundaries, and emotional regulation 
•  Healing childhood triggers in adulthood 
•  Consciousness and mindset work 
•  Mental wellness and self-development books 

May this episode find you exactly when you need it most.

Follow me for more on Instagram @mindyourownbeeswaxpodcast & TikTok: @mindyourownbeeswaxpod

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Mind your own beeswax.

Intro & life updates

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Welcome back to another episode of Mind Your Own Beeswax. My name is Grace, and thank you so much for pushing play on this episode today. I hope you are going well. I have been having a very nice day. Um, it's actually been super productive. I went out and caught up with a friend this morning, and then I went into the city. I got a yochi, which I had not had a yochi before, and that absolutely slapped. And then I came home and I power cleaned the whole house, and I was like, yes, let's keep the ball rolling. Let's record an episode. Now, as I'm sitting down to record this episode, I actually have two special guests with me. My dogs, Luce and Remy. They are in here today because Lucy has chronic anxiety and the weather is not giving right now. There's a bit of thunder outside, and she cannot be separated from me. So I tried to shut the door and she absolutely went off. So she is in here. I don't know if you can hear that, but she is snoring. So yeah, I can hear it through the mic. Fingers and toes, you cannot hear her snoring. But if you do, it's just a very anxious dog in the back, and I'm just here emotionally supporting her. So thank you for holding space for me and my dog. But we're not here to talk about dogs. We are here to talk about one of 2025's most popular books, The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. Now, if you haven't heard of

Who is Mel Robins?

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Mel Robbins, she's a bit of a mindset self-help author, guru, queen, whatever you want to call her. She is very, very knowledgeable. She's super well spoken. She's written a number of self-help books. She has a podcast. She's an incredible speaker. But last year she released the book, The Let Them Theory, with her daughter. I think they both co-wrote it. Now, the Let Them Theory,

What is the Let Them Theory?

SPEAKER_00 2:02

I personally think, before I even read the book, I got it. I was like, let them. That makes sense. So the whole theory, I guess, of the let them theory is that when something triggers you, when something upsets you, when somebody annoys you, whenever you feel any kind of negative emotion or reaction, you just say let them. And when you say let them, you give over the power and you say, I'm not worrying about it, I'm just letting it all go. Now I do think this theory is good. And I would say that it is applicable for surface-level emotions and situations.

How to use the Let Them Theory

SPEAKER_00 2:42

So I reckon the let them theory is perfect if someone cuts you off in traffic. So imagine you're driving along and then someone doesn't indicate and they just whoop come across into your lane, you've got to get on the brakes, you get on the horn, and you feel angry, and you think, how dare this dickhead cut me off, it's ruined your day, you were just vibing to your playlist, and now you're all angry and annoyed. Sometimes when something like that happens, you can just spiral and you're like, oh, this is a shit day, I don't even want to go to work, and you just spiral, spiral, spiral, and the day just is ruined from that one moment. But if you practice the let them theory, when that person cuts you off, you just go, ah well, let them. If they want to drive like a dickhead, let them. If they want to try and ruin someone's day, let them. If they want to be unsafe on the roads, let them. And when you say let them, you really just take back your power and take control of the situation and you say, I'm not gonna be affected by this, I'm not gonna let it ruin my day, and I'm not gonna let it affect my emotions. There are a lot of other situations where I feel like the let them theory is perfect. So maybe someone cuts in front of you in a line, you could just say let them. If somebody makes a rude comment, you can just say let them. If someone sends you an email and you think their tone is kind of rude, you could just say let them. Anything that is a really short and unimpactful situation, I think the let them theory is perfect because I feel like if you think about the driving thing, right? If someone cuts you off and you get frustrated, that energy and time and emotion, it's not valid for this situation because that person in that car, I always imagine when someone cuts me off and they're like in a rush, I always imagine that they like are running home for a number two, like they're busting for the toilet and they just like have got to get there. And I just think that I'm like, whatever, let them like they must be busting for the toilet, let them cut me off and off they pop. But situations such as this where someone cuts you off, someone pushes in front of you, someone makes a snide comment, I really think the let them theory is great because whatever emotion that you're feeling that would bubble up if you don't say let them, I really don't think it is more important than that situation. Whatever feeling it is that you're bubbling up in that scenario that's making you say let them, I don't think that feeling in emotion is more important than that situation. So if someone's cutting you off, you don't know that person from a bar of soap, they're not doing it intentionally. So what's the point in letting it ruin your day and letting those emotions linger? So say let them. Is there anything in your mind right now that hearing this, you can go, ah, I feel like I can say let them. I think I say it a lot when people just make passing comments. Like I think maybe I take things to heart too easily. So when people make a comment, I'm like, whatever, let them. In traffic, I definitely say let them. I think when people are rude via email or message, I'm like, whatever, just let them. I don't care. Within the book, Mel Robbins gives you heaps of scenarios and examples and things from her own life when she has practiced the let them theory. And I really loved it. But as I progressed through the book, I think I got halfway in,

The Let Me Theory

SPEAKER_00 6:00

and Mel talks about the let me theory. And this is something I'd not seen because classic, the let them theory was all over TikTok, all over Instagram. You know, Mel was interviewed by every big podcaster, TV, Oprah, and I was like, why is no one talking about the let me theory? And I posted a TikTok on it, and it actually has been one of my most popular TikToks. And I was like, what are people just missing this? Did people not make it that far through the book? So here I am to make an episode about it. The let me theory is similar to let them. So when a situation pops up and you feel triggered and you feel those emotions, instead of saying let them, you say let me. Let me understand why I'm so triggered. Let me understand why I'm so upset by this situation. Let me understand these emotions and these feelings that I'm having so that next time this happens, I can heal them and not feel this way again. And for me, this was mind-blowing because I think when you have bigger situations in your life, perhaps it's a an argument with a family member or a partner or a situation where you keep thinking about it and coming back to it and replaying it in your mind and laying awake at night and thinking about it. To me, those situations are not appropriate for the let them theory. I think there's something bigger going on. So if you have a scenario where you're laying awake at night thinking about it, you're replaying conversations in your head, you're feeling upset, what is it that you are feeling? Can you put a name on that emotion? Can you unpack why you feel that way? What is it that's triggering you? And if you can work through this, ideally, the next time that that situation comes up, you're not going to be triggered by it in the first place. So I think a great example of this is perhaps you open up Instagram and you see that all your friends are hanging out without you. And you go, Oh, I'm so upset, that's so shit of them. And maybe you try to say let them, but you're really upset by it. You think about it for days, you don't know if you should message them, you're really stewing on it, it's 2 a.m., you're laying awake thinking about it. We've all had a situation like that where we're really overthinking everything about it, and saying let them is just not going to cut it. So, how can you unpack this? What is it that you're feeling? So if you think about it, you go, well, I feel upset that they didn't include me, I feel hurt that they didn't include me, I feel lonely perhaps. You can unpack those feelings and you think, well, why? Why do I feel those feelings in that situation? And perhaps you can unpack the fact that you really tie your personal values and your personal worth to being included, and being included is really important to you. And when you acknowledge that, you go, okay, perhaps they didn't do that to upset me. I have a trigger of not being included because it makes me feel unworthy. And if you can unpack that, it really gives you a fresh perspective on the situation, and you can really realize that those people didn't catch up to piss you off and to make you feel upset. But that situation is showing you that there's some unhealed emotions and you have to let me work through them. Working

How to work through emotions

SPEAKER_00 9:36

through emotions, I think, is something that is really hard. And I feel like over the last few years I've gotten really good at it, but equally, some emotions are really tough. So, an example that came up for me over the last week is I have been wanting to purchase a rug, right? We've finally done our floors, got a new couch, and we just need a rug to fill the space. Now I've not purchased a rug before, but I was not aware of the price of rugs. Bloody hell, they are expensive. You're up for like plus a thousand dollars for a rug. And probably not within my budget, but I've just been like sussing them out, having a look, and I found a rug that I like, and I said to my partner, Oh, I really want to buy this rug. I told him the price, and he's like, What the helly? That is ridiculous for a rug. And I was like, Yeah, I know. But I really like it, like I've just been thinking about it, I'm just gonna keep an eye on it. And he sort of kept saying, like, no, don't spend the money, don't spend the money. And I was getting really pissed off. I was getting really frustrated, and I was like, don't tell me what to do. I was getting really fired up about it, and I was like, hang on, Grace, why are you so fired up over a rug? And I sort of thought about it and I was like, well, I agree with him. I don't want to spend a lot of money on a rug. I'm aligned there, no worries. But I realized it was him saying, like, don't buy it, don't buy it. It made me feel triggered. It made me feel triggered because I think it was like being restrictive and taking away my freedom and saying, you can't spend money, you can't do that. And I was like, interesting. So I'm not really annoyed that he's saying, don't buy the rug. I'm frustrated that I feel like I have no freedom in this situation. And I sort of thought, I was like, okay, well, I've acknowledged the feeling. Is there another time in my life that I've felt this way? And really, the only time I could think was like being a kid or a teenager, right? When you live with your parents, you don't have any money, and they are the be-all and end all, and they say yes or no, what comes, what goes. And I was like, I guess it reminded me of like being a kid. You didn't have your freedom, you just had to do what your parents said. And if they said no, the answer was no. And even though it's frustrating, you're just a kid, you've got to get on with your life. And so I was like, ooh, let me unpack this emotion, let me acknowledge where it has come from in my past, and then let me heal from it. And so now, when a situation comes up like that again, I can go, oh, I know if someone says don't spend money, I'm gonna feel triggered, I'm gonna feel like I've lost my freedom, and that's okay. So I feel like when that situation comes up again, I won't be triggered because I know how I feel on the inside. And if I have a disagreement with my partner over money, I'll be like, it's all good, don't worry about it, brother. Not worth fighting over. And then you can understand, right? That some situations you know it triggers you. Don't involve yourself or just say, all good, I don't want to have this discussion. It's not for me, it's not worth my time, it's not worth my energy. But this is why I love the let them theory. It just really helps you deflate any situation. And especially when you're feeling those emotions of frustration or anger or upset, when you unpack it, you're like, oh, actually, I wasn't angry or frustrated. It just reminded me of this from my childhood. And you can just unpack your whole life and then move on and live a great life. And anytime something like that pops up again, you're like, no worries, I'm not bothered. And you don't need to say let them because you've let me heal yourself and move on from that situation. Another book that I've been reading recently

The Untethered Soul

SPEAKER_00 13:15

is called The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. And this is a really interesting book because it's a little bit woo-woo, it's a very heavy reading, and I will say I haven't actually finished it just yet. So I'm not the total expert, but I'm about three-quarters through. And the book basically talks about the ultimate way to live or to experience total freedom is to just be able to live in your consciousness. Now it talks about how our soul is conscious within our body, but our mind and our thoughts are kind of like our inner roommate. So when you're thinking thoughts and perhaps you're overthinking, you're thinking, should I do this, should I do that? What are people thinking? Oh, have I said the wrong thing? Those kind of thoughts are your inner roommate. And basically in the untethered soul, it says that you need to step back into your consciousness. And when you can step back into your consciousness and you can observe those thoughts and then just let them pass, that is the ultimate act, in my opinion, of let them or let me. Because when you can sit in your consciousness and something comes up, so someone pisses you off and says a rude comment at you, sit in your consciousness and just observe your thoughts. Observe what you're saying. What's your mind thinking? Maybe you're thinking about why me? Why is this person said that to me? I hate this person, they're so rude. How dare they? That's not fair. Just sit and observe those thoughts. Observe the feelings that come up and go, okay, I understand what I'm thinking, I understand what I'm feeling, I'm gonna let it move on. And that's the whole premise of the untethered soul is just observing your feelings and emotions, sitting in that consciousness and then allowing it to pass. And that basically is how you should live your life is being in your consciousness, observing everything that happens, but not letting it impact you. So you can still have those thoughts, you can still have those feelings, but when you are able to almost observe them from a third person perspective, that's when the magic happens. And that helps you detach from those feelings and detach from those emotions, and they'll be able to pass through your body quicker than ever. Now that might sound a bit whoa-woo, but for me, that's something I've really been trying to do is to just sit back and observe my thoughts. So there was a situation that popped up for me the other day, and in all honesty, I was like laying in bed awake, thinking about it. I woke up at like 2 or 3 a.m. and I was laying there thinking, and I was like, number one, Grace, why are you thinking about this at 2 or 3 a.m.? You know, there's nothing you can get up and do for this situation. So I was just laying there thinking about it. And then I just sort of was like, okay, I'm observing these thoughts, I'm thinking about these kind of things, it's making me feel this kind of way. Ah, interesting, interesting. Okay, I'm just gonna carry on. And I just fell back to sleep, and I honestly haven't thought about it since. So if you can lean into your consciousness, observe your thoughts, and let me understand why you feel that way, and then just let it go. I hope that my take on the let them theory has inspired you and helps you have a fresh perspective. The next time you feel triggered or the next time you feel an emotion, can you say let them or can you say let me and step back into your consciousness and understand what are you thinking, what are you feeling, and really allow those emotions and feelings to move on. Thank you so much for joining me here today. I'm so grateful that you've hit play. We are on the road to a thousand downloads. So make sure you share this podcast. If you're not following me on TikTok or Instagram, go in my show notes, grab my username, and have a nosy every single listen, every single follow, every single like is truly, truly appreciated by me. So I hope you have a beautiful day and may this episode find you at a time that you need it the most. As always, love you. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

Find your own beeswax. Hey, counting out, lean back, yeah, touch me with you.